I’m slowly starting to realize that most Indians consider Americans to have loose morals and figure that every white person therefore falls into that category. While this assumption might upset some people, I more just feel bad that I am clearly not living up to their expectations. I had two funny encounters recently that are classic examples.
The first starts with me going for a run, not bringing a key, and coming back to find that all my roommates had left and I was locked out. Since I had just gone for a run I had no phone or anything on me and was absolutely disgusting and covered in sweat, so I just plopped down in front of the door and hoped that someone would come home within the next hour, having visions of sitting out there in the heat until sunset. Then, of course, our neighbors walked by and I felt obligated to explain why I would choose to sit in 98 degree heat on my doorstep sweating bullets, as only a dumbass would do such a thing. My explanation only confirmed that I was in fact a dumbass who went for a run without a key.
Sweethearts that they are they invited me into their apartment even though I smelled like a high school locker room. They then said I could use thier phone to call my roommates, and I had to explain that in fact I did not have any of their phone numbers memorized. Dumbassness further confirmed. (Please note I know have memorized their numbers to prevent such embarrassment in the future). Then they cut right to the chase and asked me why they had seen both men and women going up to our apartment. I explained that we were 3 girls and 2 guys living together. Then they asked if we were married. No. The poor things looked positively scandalized at the thought of what was occurring in the apartment above them. They would be sorely disappointed to learn that rather than a lurid ménage a cinq we spend all our time, day and night, staring intently at our laptops.
I must admit that Jack provided me with this next story, and I have his verbal consent to post it on this blog. First I should point out that since Jack and I work on the same parts of the project, are the only two RAs that have to stay in Delhi instead of going to the field, and are the only two RAs who appreciate the taste of a good beer at happy hour, we spend pretty much all our waking hours together. Our big accomplishment of the past few weeks is that we have a café and neighboring food stall where we are officially “regulars” that all the staff know. Of course at the food stall it only took two visits since I think we are their first and only white customers. In a rare occurrence of separation – which Jack and I currently undergoing therapy to get past – Jack went to the food stall without me the other day. There is one employee there who speaks heavily accented English and likes to chat with us.
Employee: Where is your friend? The lady?
Jack: She’ll be here later
Employee: She is your wife?
Jack. No.
Employee: She is your girlfriend?
Jack. No. Just friend. Coworker.
Employee: I see I see. So you have wife?
Jack. No.
Employee: You have girlfriend?
Jack: No.
Employee: So then who do you have the sex with?
Jack: Um….say that again?
Employee, more slowly this time: The sex. Who do you have the sex with?
Jack: Um no one right now man. Thanks for rubbing it in.
On the off chance our buddy is forward enough to ask me the same question I of course am prepared to just start rattling off a list of men’s names…Oh, you know, Sunil, Rajiv, Ravi, Kumar, Naveen, just to name a few…
