Delhi's soundtrack

In order to celebrate our first month in India, and more importantly due to suffering insanity at the hands of Stata (if you don’t know what that is pat yourself on the back, you have some hope of not being a huge nerd), Jack and I went out for celebratory drinks at our neighborhood bar last night. First of all it’s called Tonic, which was also the name of the closest bar to the Federal Reserve, so it had a special place in my heart before we even stepped in. Of course then it just got better. First of all it is going for this cool modern lounge vibe with crazy lighting and candles everywhere. But what really made my night was the music. We started with a DJ playing techno remixes of some serious classics – Ace of Base, MJ (of course), Madonna, Bon Jovi – it was like a dance party on steroids. But, later in the night the real show got going…This guy comes out with a huge electronic keyboard and proceeds to sing the most eclectic group of songs and turn Tonic into a scene from The Wedding Singer. He played Disney theme songs, crappy wedding songs, Louis Armstrong’s What a Wonderful World, Hotel California, John Denver, classic oldies, George Strait, it was pretty much amazing. I will definitely be returning to Tonic in the hopes of seeing Keyboard Man again.

I feel that after a month here I really do need to take a moment to describe the joy that is riding in an auto rickshaw in Delhi. As far as I can tell, all driving laws here are optional guidelines that you can follow as long as they don’t slow you down. If there’s traffic on your side of the road, you just go on the other side to speed things up. Red lights that aren’t at a large intersection mean nothing and you don’t even slow down as you blow through them. And, when you make a left hand turn (they drive like the British on the left, btw) you don’t even bother to glance over your shoulder and see if there are any cars you’re about to cut off, you just figure they’ll get out of your way. It really reminds me of those go-carts they have at mini golf courses – you just drive wherever you feel like and try to get ahead of as many people as possible.

The downside to the mayhem is the honking. If they ever make a “sounds of Delhi” CD it will definitely just be constant honking. After a month of careful study and observation I have determined that there is a method to it – and here is a list of situations in which a driver must use the horn:

1. When you’re passing someone
2. When you’re driving next to someone
3. When you drive by a pedestrian
4. When you think the car in front of you is not being aggressive enough
5. When you breathe in
6. When you breathe out

To make matters worse, because everyone is using their horns so much people go out of their way to buy particularly obnoxious sounding ones so that they stand out above the crowd. I am already formulating an ambitious plan – and Justin and P$ if you’re reading this I need your help because you guys are the best at April Fools. Next April Fools day I am going to figure out a way to disengage every horn in Delhi and watch as drivers realize that in fact the world doesn’t stop turning if you aren’t laying on the horn.