The glossary grows

I am currently in the middle of very rural India, and it has been an interesting journey thus far. It still amazes me that I can get internet out here (via the cell phone towers) but only a squat toilet. Real porcelain or access to facebook? Tough choice. I will relay stories of my visit at some point I’m sure, but in keeping with last post’s theme, as well as in preparation for the familial visit, I put together a glossary of a things India.

Chai – India’s national drink. Most people down about 4 shot-sized cups of chai a day. Its 10% tea and spices, 40% milk, 50% sugar and 100% delicious. If you are visiting someone or meeting with an organization they will offer you tea once every few hours. You can say no thanks but they’ll be bringing you some anyway.

Cricket – By far India’s national sport, nothing else even comes close. Boys play at all hours of the day using sticks and stacked rocks for wickets. At first I really could have cared less about the sport, until I met a really hot cricket player and suddenly I wanted to know all about it. Now I can actually follow a game and can say with authority it is not nearly as fun or interesting as football.

Cricket, Indian National Team –Imagine if you will that the entire country was made up of Boston and its surrounding areas and that the Red Sox played year round. This is the Indian National Cricket team. Sure, you have your occasional supporters of those others sports – here its field hockey and soccer – but everyone knows that they aren’t worth nearly as much to society. When they play everyone watches, when they win everyone celebrates, when they lose everyone feels it.

Dhaba – A general name for any street stall selling food. Some of my best meals in India have been at Dhabas, and they only set you back 20 rupees, or about 60 cents. Definitely not for those without a strong stomach, though.

Green dot/red dot – Since so many Indians are vegetarian, all menus and foods use a green dot to label veg food and a red dot to label non-veg food. Sometimes the green dot seems hardly necessary – such as on a bottle of coke but hey, its better safe than sorry. The red dot also appears on items that have egg. The first time we ordered chocolate cake with a red dot we tore it apart looking for the bits of chicken.

Head nod – The Indian head nod is impossible to miss if you spend more than 20 minutes in the country. It is neither a nod nor a head shake, but consists of moving your head back and forth at a diagonal. It is the response to nearly every question and it can mean yes, it can mean no, it can mean I understand, and it can mean I don’t know. The key to interpreting the head nod is an analysis of angle, facial expression, and speed. It is a highly precise art.

Ji – a term of respect, such as Suzanne-Ji. The problem is that they translate this to sir, regardless if they are talking to a man or a woman. I have now been called sir so many times that I’m starting to seriously question my hair and wardrobe choices.

Kingfisher – Kingfisher is by far the most common brew sold here and is basically synonymous with beer. The key to a Kingfisher is that it has a different taste depending upon which state it is brewed in. If the bottle says Kerela it can be pretty decent. If, however, the bottle says it’s from Punjab it tastes like the Natty lite you had from a warm keg your freshman year.

Sachin – Sachin Tendulkar is the most important name in Indian cricket, and thus in Indian sports. He’s like Michael Jordan, Brett Favre, and Wayne Gretzky rolled into one 5’4’’, 130 pound Indian man. He’s been playing for the Indian national team for a whopping 20 years and has broken every record in the book.

Shah Rukh Khan – Definitely Bollywood’s biggest star. You can’t go a day in India without seeing his face. He is in about a movie a month, on billboards, in magazines, TV ads, in the newspaper at least once a day. Basically: he’s kind of a big deal.

While these glossaries are clearly not the entire Cliff’s Notes to India – should you ever find yourself here they should bring you one step closer to fitting in. Or you can just wear a Sari and call it good.

A Delhi Glossary

In less than two short weeks Mama, Papa, and Sista Plant arrive in India for a visit of my new home. I thought of trying to prepare the 1.1 billion people of this country for the Fearsome Foursome, as we are known in some circles (ok mostly just our own). I’ve decided, however, that it might be better to go the other route and try to prepare the fam for India. With that in mind, I’ve put together a small glossary for them to study on the long flight over. For this post we start small, well, if we consider 12 million small, with some key people, places, and things of Delhi explained.

Auto – a three wheel motor powered “auto rickshaw” and my main mode of transportation in Delhi. The trick to bargaining is a little move I like to call the walkaway. It starts with some traditional back and forth bargaining, and then you make the abrupt turn and walk away slowly enough for them to follow you and yet with conviction that says you refuse to back down. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

Asian Games Village – our apartment complex, location of 155 Madan Lal Block, aka home sweet home. The complex was built to house the athletes of the Asian Games in 1984. I like to imagine that the Azerbajani women’s javlin throwers were staying in our place. It’s just a vibe I get.

Asian Games Village, Security guys – some of my favorite men in Delhi. Our apartment complex it technically a gated community – meaning that we pay for three guards to stand at the entrance 24-7, despite the fact that they never turn anyone away. After about 9pm security tightens and they ask every vehicle coming in their apartment number, so as long as you tell them any number between 1 and 853 you’re in. Talk about top security. These guys have a great sense of humor, and it feels like every time I drive by they have something new. Sometimes now they great us with an overexaggerated American accent saying One Five Five, and we like to mess with them by saying 854 and other totally random numbers. I’ve taught them the fist pump, so sometimes we just use that, and they also are fans of the military salute. They also serve as our personal direction-givers to visitors, because anytime someone white comes by they automatically send them to 155.

Café Coffee Day, aka CCD if you’re in the know - the Indian equivalent of Starbucks, although it’s not yet on every block give it another 10 years and I’m sure it will be. They feature equally overpriced coffee – which costs five times as much as a decent meal. And yet, just like Starbucks, that doesn’t seem to stop me from going there.

Commonwealth Games – Delhi is all abuzz about hosting the Commonwealth Games (an Olympics-like games held every four years for former members of the British Commonwealth. Even though I suppose the US technically used to be part of that clique our invitation got lost in the mail). The Games are scheduled for October and the entire city has been under construction since we got here in preparation. You can’t go anywhere in Delhi without seeing a sign for the games or dealing with some sort of construction marked by a sign “CWG: Preparation in Progress”.

Connaught Place – “CP” as we locals call it, is one of those tourism black holes. Everyone tells you to go there and that it’s a great place for shopping for tourists, and then you go and you’re like why did everyone tell me to come here, it doesn’t seem that great. But you figure if everyone suggests it then maybe you just missed something, so you tell people you went there and suggest that they go, thus perpetuating the cycle. My recommendation should you ever be in Delhi: go crazy and skip CP, it’s not actually worth it (but you didn’t hear that from me).

Gurgaon – Gurgaon is like Phoenix transported to India. It is a city about a half hour outside of Delhi that has literally sprung up in the last 10 years. It is home to tall shiny high rise apartment and office buildings, and has more shopping malls per square mile than I’ve ever seen, even in the U.S. It is home to hundreds of the now famous Indian call centers, and it’s a great place to visit when you find yourself missing the materialism and rampant consumerism of the U.S. of A.

Khan Market – Khan Market is situated in an upscale Delhi neighborhood and in between two of the city’s ritziest hotels, thus making a hotspot for expats and wealthy Indians. Anything you buy here will cost twice as much as anywhere else in the city, and yet people flock here regardless just to be able to say they bought it at Khan Market.

Metro – Also a preparation for the Commonwealth Games, Delhi is now home to a brand new metro system, which I have to say is quite amazing. It’s cheap, clean, efficient, and runs absolutely nowhere that is convenient to me in the slightest.

Nehru Place – Nehru Place is the place in Delhi to go if you are shopping for electronics. The huge indoor/outdoor market sells every possible piece of electronic equipment, both the legit brand name items and the less legit backroom versions. You can also get pirated software and movies here for a dollar, even before they have actually been released.

Sreela – Sreela is our boss, mentor, friend, and sanity keeper. I can’t think of enough good things to write about her here, I’ll just leave it at she rocks my socks, and that’s not a compliment I hand out to just anyone.


Alright, so that pretty much covers Delhi, but get excited for next lesson, in which we expand our vision to understand India - its people, places, traditions, and culture as a whole. Man, I'm going to be such a good professor some day.

Holi Guacamoli!

Wow. There is just no way I can do justice to Holi, a national holiday celebrated today. I will do my best to convey the absolute awesomeness packed into this holiday but I am going to have to invite each and every one of you to recreate it with me back in the States to get you to fully appreciate it.

The basic premise of celebrating Holi is that you go up to strangers and attack them with water guns, water balloons, colored powder, and crazy colored foam shit that sprays out of a can. The meaning of the holiday is the celebration of Prahlad, a Hindu god, and also the start of spring, with some recognition of overcoming differences between different parts of society thrown in. While all of these things are great, whoever realized that the best way to celebrate them was by waging a color war was pure genius.

With an enthusiasm not often seen in children over the age of 7, we woke up early and armed ourselves with colored powder and water guns and headed over to Shapurjat, a neighborhood next to ours that is a maze of tiny alley ways lined with apartment buildings. From there was basically a scene straight out of West Side Story except with random colors flying around. We wandered around and came across other gangs of kids and teenage guys and attacked them in full-on street (color/water) warfare. The whole time you are prowling the streets for targets you are also getting pelted from above with water balloons and straight up huge buckets of water that people just dump on you. The gung-ho ones also mix the colored powder into the water balloons so that when they explode on you you’re covered in bright pink awesomeness. In the midst of all the battling there are truces where you wish strangers happy Holi and put the powder on their forehead like a bindi. At one point we were having one such momentary truce with some hooligans when bam, the entire group of us were drenched with a tub full of water from a balcony above. The whole neighborhood was into it, and you’d have someone from the 4^th floor balcony dumping water on someone standing on a second floor balcony, who is pegging people below with colored water balloons. The best part is that it’s not just kids, teenage guys, and three random white people who celebrate but there were these cute little old ladies up on the balconies in their saris laughing hysterically as they were pegging us with water balloons.

The roommates following The Battle of Shapurjat

Jack illustrates the importance of staying hydrated during battle

Most of the color washes right off, but some is way too permanent and my arms are now tinted pink and my neck is a bizarre shade of green. (Side note – I don’t know if any Bowdoin s’women read this but I had some serious flashbacks to mornings after the post-nescac party as I spent an hour in the shower trying to wash off the evidence of ridiculous debauchery).

So at this point you should be convinced that Holi is way cooler than any other US holiday ever. But, just in case you really love your Christmas carols and are still on the fence about the beauty of a city-wide paintball game, the second part of celebrating Holi is the mass consumption of Bhang, which is an Indian form of weed. Although technically illegal in Delhi (but legal in neighboring states) you can get under-the-table Bhang in little packets from the cigarette stands. (The packet claims that it is an auyervedic medicine and should be consumed in the presence of a medical provider…hmm…). It’s basically marijuana leaves mashed up into a paste that you eat. It is also mixed into drinks and baked goods, such as the official drink of Holi, which is a fairly delicious concoction called Thandi. Bhang is legitimized for Holi, and the newspaper even publishes its top Bhang recipes for your Holi party. On the Friday before the holiday, Sreela, our boss/secondmother had us over for dinner with her coworkers from her other job and served us all some weed-laced goodness. Definitely not your typical office dinner party.

In case I ever run for political office, I of course have no idea of the effects of this Bhang substance or any sort of drink containing it, but from my friends I can tell you that it tastes terrible but packs quite a punch, and considering it costs a rupee and a half is by far the cheapest high on the market. But, like I said before, when it comes to eating the Bhang, I might have chewed but I didn’t swallow.

The group following a second round of battle at a Holi party